A blah blah blog post

by , under depression, music, the kids, time, work, writing

So I have a little bit of “home alone” time, and so many things that I could do, and a few that I probably should do, like walk on the treadmill (and that would also mean watching Lost from two nights ago, and it’s supposed to be an amazing episode, but yeah, I don’t think the treadmill is gonna happen tonight). But I decided to start with a blah blah blog post, because I’ve been depressed since yesterday afternoon, and I have that deep yearning inside that, when paired with a dark mood, usually means I need to do some writing. I haven’t the time or brain power to properly CRAFT anything, thus, the blah blah blog post, where I write about as many of my scattered thoughts as I can in the time allotted, in hopes that it will bring a touch more clarity and order to my head, and at the same time there’s the chance that all the typing will, very simply, make me feel better.

And so.

One reason I don’t have the luxury of time is that when Jeff and the boys come home, I will begin working with Kyle ASAP on his math. Forgive me if I already told this story, I don’t recall telling it. Some weeks ago, we found out that Kyle got one of the top four highest scores for his grade on this math assessment. The four highest-scoring kids from each grade, at each school in the district, get to participate in a math competition called SUMday — something like “Students United in Mathematics,” yes it does sound goofy but whatever. Well, SUMday is this coming Saturday, starting at 9am, and not only is Kyle in the competition, but I volunteered to be a parent helper. I just got the official word TODAY that my assignment will involve grading some of the completed tests. Yippee. Why did I sign up for this again??? Oh right, I didn’t know I’d be depressed in the days leading up to the event, which makes everything from getting out of bed to driving home from work, and pretty much everything in between, seem like a challenge. I also didn’t know I’d spend the intervening weeks looking at so many VERY DIFFICULT math problems with Kyle, and trying to help him, and heaven help me, looking through his SUMday study guide so I would know how to figure out the area of a triangle, the volume of a cube, or the sum of the interior angles of a regular nonagon, and could then impart that information to my child.

(Short aside: I’m glad I got selected for grading papers and NOT for monitoring kids who are taking the tests. I MUCH PREFER doing the grading, which could be viewed as a cousin to proofreading, which I really like, and I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself.)

Saturday evening, incredibly, Jeff and I are going to see Patty Griffin in concert in Lawrence. Patty is amazing, my favorite singer, and I’ve been listening to her for five or six years and have never seen her live. I should totally be walking on air this whole week!!! But no, I’m stressed about math, stressed about work, depressed and feeling bad about myself, feeling so fat but not wanting to exercise… oh God the list just goes on, you get the idea. But it’s like I don’t really believe that we’re going to the concert. It’s like this wonderful fantastic thing that can’t possibly be happening to ME because I’m a lazy fat sack and my husband’s unemployed and the kids drive me crazy and I can’t get out of my own way to get anything done ever — it’s like the idea of seeing Patty live in concert is a dream, and I know I’ll wake up and just be back in my regular life where the walls are falling in on me.

Whew. I must be at a stopping point, I’m suddenly feeling wiped out. My mind has paused between topics, and my fingers want a rest. There’s more I’ve been thinking of writing about, in recent days, but those should be separate posts, IF I can get around to them after SUMday and Patty. I’ll try.

ยฉ All the parts of my life 2008-2015.

  1. Marie

    I'm sorry to hear that you have (had?) been feeling so blah and depressed. I'm feeling that way too right now (the rainy weather can't be helping it). I also miss the time to just sit down and write. Either I'm too busy and scatter-brained to do it OR, I have the time and end up wasting it away on other frivolous things! Anyway…

    How was SUMday? I hope Kyle was happy with his performance! At least he got that far. I used to think it was PRESTIGIOUS to get picked to enter Math Bowl or Quiz Bowl or whatever "nerdy" academic competition the teachers would think one was smart enough to compete in! haha. ๐Ÿ™‚ I was smart enough to be "considered" for those sorts of things, but never picked. ๐Ÿ™

    How was the concert? I hope you both were able to enjoy yourselves! Have a great week!

  2. HeathMochaFrost

    Hi Marie – Thanks for your visit and comment. I'm sorry you've had the blues and the blahs recently, too. And of course you're right about the rainy weather usually making things worse — and much of southern New England has been WALLOPED this past month, jeepers! You guys should be spared the "April showers" after breaking records in March; I hope Mother Nature agrees!!

    I started feeling better on Friday afternoon, and was back to normal on Friday night, SUCH a relief. I was in decent shape for SUMday, and the grading was actually fun! I started thinking, Can I volunteer to grade next year even if Kyle doesn't make the team? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    We don't know how Kyle did, because they only give out ribbons to kids who got the top ten scores on one or both tests, and he didn't. (We ARE supposed to find out how he did, though, at some point.) But it was sorta funny how a handful of the kids looked quite nerdy. In one of the higher grades, one boy got the top score on BOTH of the tests, and I couldn't help observing to Jeff, "He's a math genius, but apparently he doesn't know how to comb his hair!" So I'm curious to see how Kyle did, but I was just glad we BOTH got through it!

    The concert details are in the new blog I finally wrote last night. Thanks for the good wishes, and you keep feeling better too!


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