It seems that it doesn’t matter how many plates I’m trying to keep in the air. What matters is that I’m fat. I was on a diet and exercise program — a LONG time ago now — that enabled me to lose 30 pounds. I’ve since gained it all back, and can’t find a way to that place where I have some will power and motivation to change. And Jeff really, really wants me to.
But life is SO MUCH BUSIER now than the time when I dieted successfully. Kyle was in preschool for two half-days per week, and Ryan was only two years old. There was no baseball, no basketball, no homework, very few school functions and activities with one kid in preschool — and now two in elementary school, both playing sports, and I’ve still got a house to keep. I’m just tired, so tired.
I have a conference call today where I have to talk, so I need to spend some time this morning preparing for that — and of course I feel like garbage and wish I didn’t have to be here at all. I have another conference call next Tuesday that I need to lead, will need to draft an agenda and send that e-mail out soon. And the calls are important, we need to have them, we need to try to maintain some of the momentum from our TKN meeting last month in DC, it’s critical. But at the same time, none of that work has an impact on the visible state of my library — and you can see below what a few parts of it looked like two days ago:
Note that none of the photos show my own desk area, except the second photo shows the little wall in front of my desk, with boxes in front of it. The other cubicle shots are where I used to have temps sitting, and one is a patron cubicle that has become a “dumping ground” for donations.
Sometimes, in work and out of work, I think I see some light up ahead, and I think, “Once we get through this,” or, “After I finish with that,” or, “By that time, things should be in pretty good shape.” But there’s always something else to crash into when I turn the corner, and the thing that’s definitely not in good shape is me. Now I’m sipping cold water, thinking wistfully of snack time, and wondering which pile I should look at first.